On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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