1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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