Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
As shirtless as possible
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
