i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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