Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
