I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
