she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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