with your own penis?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
