Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
