He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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