she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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