Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
