I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
