Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
