My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
