i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize