I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
