this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
