i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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