i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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