and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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