Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
