we have pet lesbian snakes
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
