Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize