as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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