Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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