my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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