there was a trapeze. enough said
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
