It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
