He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
