I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
