I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
