You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
