you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
so much tequila, so little girl.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
