What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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