what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
