I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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