if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
