70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
only you would photoshop your dick
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
