K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
