Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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