I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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