the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize