There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
