So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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