I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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