i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I could fuck to npr.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
