i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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