Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize