I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize