Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
