when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
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