before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
