goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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