I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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