got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
