I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
