We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We need to get me chipped asap
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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