Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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