Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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