my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
