I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
