Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize