found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
