Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
