Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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