just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
