Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
