Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
