it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
well you can't waste a boner
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
