theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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