i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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