dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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