You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
