Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
