Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
