I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
