if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
