I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
