90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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