i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
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