im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize