your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
