ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
