If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize