PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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