so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just found puke in my bra..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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